Woke-Ing Las Vegas

Losing is never fun, so maybe Las Vegas casino operators should apologize for beating the pants off most of their players. Would a “woke” Las Vegas be more friendly to the millions of users? Ira David Sternberg explains how that might work.

Woke-Ing Las Vegas

Las Vegas may very well be the final frontier of traditional American values. In today’s woke culture, that could be truer than most people realize. People coming to Las Vegas want to get away from the incessant lecturing of academia, major corporations, Hollywood, billionaires, major sports teams, entitled elites and the establishment media. They’re here for fun and, for now, what happens here, only happens here.

But what if that changed? What would happen in a woke Vegas?

Consider this: traditionally, players who lose big at the craps table take their lumps and accept the comped dinners and rooms as tokens of the casino’s gratitude. But what about the players who lose small amounts, who are upset because (aside from a free drink) they did not receive what the big players received from the casino? Where’s the equity in that?

Let’s take a look at our neon dystopian future, where participation means everything, and there are no winners or losers.

Now, as soon as a player leaves the tables with empty pockets, a letter goes out, either slipped under the door of the hotel room or mailed to the home:

Dear Nonwinner,

We were devastated that you didn’t win at our tables, slots or video poker. We want to apologize if you were offended and want you to know that your loss doesn’t reflect on you nor does it reflect the values of our casino.

We are sensitive to your feelings of discrimination, based on your playing ability. And we would like you to give us another chance. As a first step, we have terminated your casino host for not considering your relative inexperience in gaming. Additionally, we would like to offer you, if you so desire, grief counseling at no charge. In exchange, we would request that you refrain from bashing us on social media.

We want you to know that we believe in equity and can assure you, the money you lost will be distributed equally to our shareholders. We hope and expect that they will be socially aware with their dividends when they buy their next home.

Luck has a lot to do with winning, but if you came from a disadvantaged odds-calculating background, we will also offer you, for your next visit, free tutoring in understanding the math on any of our games.

If you feel you were bullied by any of our dealers or perceived a microaggression by them (such as a blackjack dealer insisting you put chips down before the game can begin), please let us know and we will take the appropriate steps to address that issue.

We also noticed that you lost money in our casino ten years ago. We want to apologize for that situation and understand that should not happen to you again. We are taking steps to educate our staff in Critical Gambler Theory, which holds the casino guilty by virtue of just being a casino.

We know that you are upset, but we don’t want to discourage you from returning. We can’t guarantee you will win, but if you don’t, we will offer you a safe space to recover.

And a free drink.

Your Once Favorite Casino

Articles by Author: Ira David Sternberg

Ira David Sternberg is host of “Talk About Las Vegas With Ira,” a weekly podcast that features engaging conversations with celebrities, entertainers, writers, and personalities. He is a veteran casino publicist with executive experience at the Tropicana and Las Vegas Hilton, as well as a writer and broadcaster. Listen to Ira’s weekly shows at https://talkaboutlasvegas.com. He can be reached at isternberg@cox.net